Drama & Momma

If birthing babies were an Olympic sport, my mom would have been a gold medalist.  Six children.  The latter five of them born completely without medication.  And, the story goes, the very last was born breech after what amounted to about a twenty minute labor.  "We had just arrived at the hospital, and the doctor barely had time to put on his catching mitt," my dad will tell you.  Yes, when it comes to baby-birthing, Mom was the stuff of legend.

So when people ask me about my birth plan and I mention that I'm aiming for a natural birth primarily under the care of midwives, the surprise with which they sometimes respond always comes as a bit of a surprise to me.  For me, natural childbirth is one of those things I took for granted when a child myself and then easily adopted into my choices as an adult.  DO go to college.  DON'T wipe boogers on other people's shirtsleeves.  DO give birth without drugs.  Well, of course.

I bring all this up because it turns out that, for me at least, giving birth naturally isn't quite a matter "of course".  Finding a medical team willing to support my goals of a natural childbirth has been a challenge, and as I've shuffled between medical practices--and even between different practitioners within a single practice--I've found that views of my capacity and my potential to give birth naturally (even in a non-emergency setting) vary widely.  It's been the source of a lot of frustration--and a lot of questions.  For instance, what has evolution been up to all these years if I still can't be trusted to push a baby out of my business without intervention?  And don't I get any say in this?  (And also some genuine medical questions.)

When I started this blog, I thought that I'd keep these frustrations to myself.  Keep it upbeat.  Keep it apolitical.  Keep certain things private.  But this morning, after a particularly irritating appointment with a new doctor, I realized with regret that I don't have many peers to whom I can turn to ask, "How did you handle this?" or "Is it normal to feel frustrated when...?"  And I realized that maybe I don't have that system of peers because people don't generally talk about these things.  We all keep it upbeat, apolitical, private.

So here I am opening up--at least a little bit.  I want you to know that this is something I'm going through.  Sometimes I feel that my medical team is not listening to me.  Sometimes I have to struggle to obtain information and options.  Sometimes--I would even go so far as to say--I feel a bit like chattel being herded through the metaphorical abattoir of the medical establishment.  It's not always pretty, and sometimes it downright sucks.

In the end, I'm sure Archimedes will make his or her debut without much consideration of my ideal birth plan.  (Though, in a way, that's what I hope for:  birth on Baby's terms.)  But in the meantime, I will continue to strive for the best and healthiest birth that I have envisioned and to hope that on the big day my mom's good genes and good fortune show up in full force.   And, also in the meantime, I'll take comfort in knowing, rather than hoping, that regardless of what path eventually gets this baby into my arms, I have at least inherited many of my mother's other ample strengths--like conviction and determination and an unflinching devotion to her children--which I'll be able to apply to my relationship with Baby every day thereafter.

Wish me luck until then!